It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
