I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
