brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
