The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
