I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I could fuck to npr.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
