Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
