I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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