The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
