Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
