something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
