Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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