I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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