Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
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the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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