Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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