Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I am one with the molecules
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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