God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
