I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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