Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I skipped work to stalk him.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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