Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
