nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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