I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
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I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
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I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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