Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
