i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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