I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
