i always forget guys have bellybuttons
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
