I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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