So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I use my feet as sexual weapons
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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