I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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