Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Randomize
