she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
