I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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