I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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