You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
