Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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