I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
