This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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