If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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