I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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