I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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