We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
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Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
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Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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