i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
