Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
