Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
