yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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