i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
