Cold hands, warm shart.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Randomize
