I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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