Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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