I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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