census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
