My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
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I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
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He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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