So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
