you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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