Your mouth is God's brothel.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
