I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
