After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
