I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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