My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
