I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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