let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
