A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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