we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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