oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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