New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
