It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
