plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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