dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
