she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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