life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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