is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
