I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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