Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
