I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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