worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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