I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
