do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
