so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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