exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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