I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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