The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
