Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
