Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
