that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
